Monday, June 16, 2008

Kalvin Korff's website hits computation method REVEALED!

My own secret special forces have intercepted a confidential communique between Kalvin Korff and Martina Tycova revealing the complex numerical computation Kalvin uses to establish the number of hits received by his websites! Read this EXCLUSIVE communique and be amazed!


To: Kal K. Korff
From: Martina Tycova
Date: CLASSIFIED
Subject: Website traffic computation

Kal,

Yes, I have completed the top secret project you assigned me yesterday at The Globe. I completed it right after picking up your Soldier of Fortune magazines from the living room AGAIN! You have to STOP leaving them around and wasting our iPod sales money on this frivolous garbage! I know I used to be a supermodel, but even I would like to eat a decent meal for once!
Okay. Here is the computation I worked out on our Special Secret Services computer. The instructions are below. I have hidden papers in secret drop point for you under stove. And I do not know what you may be storing under the couch but it is starting to smell rotten again. I have not looked under couch because you tell me it is CLASSIFIED and I do not have proper Special Secret Services clearance.
I see you for special work assignment later. Please do not forget to bring the windshield washer and Special Secret Services reflective vest so we do not get hit by cars or buses. Also bring donation cup. Martina

SPECIAL SECRET SERVICES CLASSIFIED WEBSITE HITS COMPUTATION FORMULA
1. Look at numbers.
2. Pick 8 numbers.
3. Post numbers using freeware website template.
4. Do not forget commas.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Kal is a con artist. He needs to be exposed!

Anonymous said...

I hope the useless, delusional bastard is reading all of this. Hey Kal - who said you could stop taking your meds? You goddamned crackpot.

Anonymous said...

You have no idea - no idea at all, Korff - how much you disgust me.

Jimmy D said...

On criticalthinkers.org today, The Great Man pays tribute to "..a Great Musical Artist, Richard Muller [who plays] great music from the Czech Republic."
Muller happens to be a hero of mine. I think he's a great writer. He also happens to be a Slovak, who writes and performs in Slovak (see: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=72082856). If - after living in Prague for the past eight years or so - you can't tell the difference between the Czech and Slovak languages, then you are even more of a clueless moron than I thought, "Colonel".

PS - Kalisanidiot...let's see how long Kalvin takes to amend the relevant entry on his website after reading this!

Anonymous said...

Kal you are not that interesting to get that many website visits. You are nothing more than a freak of a curiosity at best.